


An Exception

by xo_marauders



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Funerals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sad James Potter, Sad Sirius Black, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, but it's major to the plot, everyone is sad, they're brothers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24166933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xo_marauders/pseuds/xo_marauders
Summary: The funeral was small. Close friends and family only. With the war going on, it was dangerous to have too many people attend in such a small setting— “an easy target” as Moody reminded everyone diligently. Remus sat with his hands folded in his lap next to Sirius, who was sitting very still and staring at the floor with a numb expression on his face. He had already broken down earlier that morning in their flat as the two of them were getting ready, and Remus had held him for several long moments trying to keep him together. Now, Sirius seemed determined not to show any emotion. It was for James’ sake, Remus was sure. Sirius wanted to be strong for his brother as they buried Euphemia and Fleamont. As they buried their parents.***or, the aftermath of losing Euphemia and Fleamont Potter proves to be unbearable
Relationships: Euphemia Potter/Fleamont Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw: character deaths  
> keep yourself safe

The funeral was small. Close friends and family only. With the war going on, it was dangerous to have too many people attend in such a small setting _— “an easy target”_ as Moody reminded everyone diligently. Remus sat with his hands folded in his lap next to Sirius, who was sitting very still and staring at the floor with a numb expression on his face. He had already broken down earlier that morning in their flat as the two of them were getting ready, and Remus had held him for several long moments trying to keep him together. Now, Sirius seemed determined not to show any emotion. It was for James’ sake, Remus was sure. Sirius wanted to be strong for his brother as they buried Euphemia and Fleamont. As they buried their _parents_.

Remus glanced across Sirius’ lap to see Lily, sitting beside James and holding onto his arm tightly with one hand, the other resting across her stomach. She wasn’t quite showing yet, but Remus knew that she was thinking about the baby she and James were bringing into this world. A baby that would never know their grandparents. Peter was on the other side of James, twitching in his seat, unsure what to do with himself. He never knew how to handle situations like this.

Lily’s wet green eyes met Remus’ briefly and her lips twitched, as if trying to form a smile but the muscles in her face wouldn’t allow it. Remus himself just looked away, having nothing comforting to offer her in this moment. He himself couldn’t understand any of it. His own mother, Hope, had died a few years ago and it was bringing up a lot of emotions he had tried to repress ever since. Cancer. Dragon pox. It just seemed like such silly things to die from during a time of war and Remus _didn’t understand_.

The service was nice. James spoke beautifully about his parents, his tears never ceasing to stop despite his efforts. He talked of his childhood, how his parents were so patient with the whirlwind of a child they were given, how everything good about him had come from them. He talked about how proud he was to be their son. How he wished to someday be half the parent they were for his child. He had looked at Lily as he said it.

Sirius didn’t speak. Moody had insisted they keep the service as short as possible, giving only enough time for one person to speak. James had offered to split his time, but Sirius had declined, the insecure feeling that he was intruding on a family that wasn’t _really_ his still so apparent after all these years.

“You, Sirius and Peter should come back to mine and James’ tonight. I don’t think we should be apart.” Lily said quietly in Remus’ ear as they found each other after the ceremony. James was at the door thanking everyone for coming as they left, Peter hovering closely behind in case he was needed. Sirius had snuck out for a smoke.

“Sirius might not agree.” Remus muttered. “He likes to mourn alone.”

Lily frowned, no doubt thinking about the self-destructive things Sirius partook in when he grieved.

“He’ll come.” She said. “He wouldn’t deny James.”

Remus couldn’t argue with that. He excused himself from Lily’s side to go in search for his boyfriend to inform him of the plans. He was stopped a few times by other Order members and Professor Dumbledore along the way, but eventually, he found his way out the back door of the building. Sirius was leaning against the brick wall, his hand dangling beside him, holding an unlit cigarette.

“You need a light?”

Sirius’ head shot up and Remus was surprised to see the wetness on his cheeks and the bloodshot look in his eyes. Sirius let out a humorless laugh and glanced down at the methanol stick in his hand.

“She hated when I smoked.” His voice cracked as he spoke. “I can’t bring myself to light it.”

Remus stayed quiet. He didn’t want to push Sirius to talk about his feelings, knowing that Sirius would just push him back and internalize everything. Instead, Remus focused on the weather, finding it oddly jarring at how bright it was outside with the sun shining and birds chirping. It was a great contrast to how everything felt. He looked down at his shoes.

“It’s not—” Sirius began, a choked sob escaping his lips. “It’s not _fucking fair_.”

“I know.” Remus said.

The dam broke again, just as it had that morning, and Remus lunged forward just as Sirius collapsed onto himself, sobs racking his body. A wet feeling spread across Remus’ shoulder as tight hands grappled at his back in a desperate motion and Remus felt his heart breaking. He could relate, on some level, to the pain of losing Euphemia and Fleamont because of his mother, but unlike Sirius, Remus was able to compartmentalize his feelings and control when and where he allowed himself to break down. Sirius was more prone to random bouts of anger and depression that were nearly impossible to predict.

“Let’s go to James and Lily’s tonight.” Remus whispered into the dark hair against his chest. “It’ll just be us and Pete there.”

“Remus—”

“James needs you tonight, Pads.” He knew it was a low blow, to use James to get Sirius to agree. But Lily was right, Sirius was never capable of denying James.

“Fine.”

They drove back to Lily and James’ in silence. Remus thought that disapparation may have been more practical transportation to and from the funeral, but again, Moody had been quite insistent on being cautious and apparating was a magical source that could easily be tracked by the Death Eaters and so, they had to do things the muggle way. It was probably for the best. Remus doubted any of them would be able to disapparate in such a state anyway.

Sirius reached forward and turned the radio on, the static cracking through the air as a song came on. It was a nice distraction from the noise and for a brief second it almost felt like a normal day to Remus with Sirius sitting beside him in the car, listening to tunes and just existing with one another. He wished he could go back to those days, if only to give Sirius one more moment of happiness.

When they arrived at James and Lily’s, Sirius walked through the threshold quickly and quietly, taking his place in the small, yellow loveseat by the window. Remus frowned slightly, wanting to be able to sit next to Sirius in order to gauge how he was feeling, but clearly Sirius wanted space. Remus sat down on the sofa next to Lily. James had rushed off to the kitchen, shouting something about getting drinks and Peter took a seat near the fireplace, still fidgeting in his lap.

“Alright,” James said as he came back into the room, hovering various beverages with his wand. “Lils, I brought you some water, Remus and Peter get tea and Padfoot and I get whiskey.”

He chucked a bottle of firewhiskey toward Sirius, who caught it with ease, immediately screwing the cap off and taking a long swig. Remus saw Lily give her husband a look of disapproval before taking a sip of her own water, choosing not to say anything.

“Are you sure it’s a good idea to be drinking?” Peter said, unable to read the room like Lily had.

James just shrugged, practically pulling the bottle from Sirius’ lips to take a swing himself.

“Don’t really plan on being anywhere tonight, so I would say it’s perfectly fine to indulge a little bit. I mean, I did just bury my fucking _parents_ , I think I’m allowed to have a drink, Wormtail.” His voice came out harsh and Peter’s face took on a look of deep hurt. James had never spoken to Peter with such venom before, even going to great lengths to tip toe around his friend’s feelings, knowing how insecure he was.

The sudden tension in the room made Remus’ skin itch. He wondered if the rest of them could feel it like he could or if this was something the wolf was able to pick up on. Lily kept tucking her hair behind her ear and opening her mouth to say something, though nothing ever came out. Peter stared down at his lap, either not wanting or unwilling to look at James, and Sirius seemed to have zoned out, not even registering the conversation that just occurred. Remus felt useless. There was nothing he could think to say or do to make the situation better for anyone. He realized that it was always James or Sirius who were the ones able to distract everyone else from their sorrows. Their boisterous personalities and witty remarks always putting people in a better mood, but now, both their lights were out, and no one knew how to fix it.

“Remember that time your dad caught us snogging on the roof?” Lily said, her eyes on James. “We nearly fell off it when we heard him open the window.” She let out a soft laugh and Remus watched the grip James had on the bottle loosen a bit.

“Yeah. He said we needed to find a new hide out.” A shadow of a smile flickered across James’ face as he walked over to Lily, sitting on the other side of her and taking her hand, the firewhiskey abandoned on the small coffee table.

“Remember when Euphemia made us all those biscuits when we went out to the lake?” Peter said a moment later. James looked up at him with a smile and nodded.

“She made nearly a whole basket for each of us.”

James laughed and Peter followed suit, happy that his friend was smiling with him again. Remus grinned, too, remembering the day fondly. Euphemia had baked nonstop the night before and presented the four boys with baskets of goodies to take to the lake with them that day.

“It came in handy,” Remus said, “considering we all had the munchies after smoking that joint.”

They burst out laughing, James crying tears of joy instead of sadness now.

“Do you think she knew?” Peter asked.

“That we were going to get high? No. I think that’s just what mum did.”

“She was an extraordinary person.” Lily mused. “So was Flea.”

“No one like them.” James agreed.

Suddenly, Sirius stood from his seat and rushed out of the room. Startled by the sudden movement, everyone’s eyes followed him, watching him enter the kitchen and then a moment later the sound of the back-door slamming echoing throughout the small home. James made a move to stand, but Remus raised his hand.

“I’ve got it.”

With tentative steps, Remus made his way outside, walking carefully as if he were sneaking up on some wild animal. He heard soft sobs coming from around a bush and maneuvered until he could see Sirius sitting there on the grass with his head tucked into his knees. His long fingers were pulling at his dark hair as his body shook and Remus knelt down, gently taking hold of Sirius’ wrists.

“Hey, hey. You’re hurting yourself, Pads.”

“I’m sorry I just—” Sirius gasped, brining his head up to meet Remus’ gaze. “I just don’t know how to _be_ here. How to do this.”

“It’s okay.” Remus pulled Sirius to his chest, tears of his own suddenly sprouting in his eyes. He could taste the saltiness of them as bit down on his bottom lip, urging himself to keep it together for Sirius.

“They were my mum and dad, Rem.” Sirius whispered, barely loud enough for Remus to hear. “I mean, I know that they weren’t really my parents but…but they were my mum and dad.”

“I know. It’s okay to miss them, you know. To cry over them.”

At those words, Sirius’ cries renewed, and the two of them sat there in the grass until his sobs slowly turned into heavy breathing. Remus glanced down at the tear stained face resting against his chest to see that Sirius had apparently tired himself out. He looked younger as he slept, his features softer and less tense. Like a face that hadn’t experienced these things. Remus carefully lifted Sirius, wrapping an arm under his knees, holding him tightly to his chest and took him inside. Peter seemed to have left, but Lily and James were still in the living room, curled up against each other, now changed out of their dress clothes and into pajamas. They glanced up when Remus entered.

“He cried himself to sleep.” He said quietly.

“The guest room is all yours. Go get some rest.” James said, his eyes flickering with concern as he looked to Sirius.

“Thank you.”

Remus laid Sirius down on the bed gently before ridding him of his shoes and clothes until he was just in his pants and undershirt. He pulled a large quilt over his boyfriend, running a hand across his face to brush back the hair that had fallen there before sitting beside him. As he looked at Sirius, Remus couldn’t help but hope that the boy in front of him wouldn’t have to deal with anymore loss. It seemed a futile wish during times like these with disappearances and deaths happening every day, but Remus hoped that the universe would make an exception and spare his star anymore heartbreak.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James' perspective

“I’ve got it.”

James watched Remus as he got up from the couch to follow Sirius out the door, albeit much more slowly and cautiously than Sirius had in the first place. The corners of James’ lips turned downward, the small moment of laughter and reminiscing having passed, leaving him with nothing but the feeling of sadness. Is this how it would be now? Brief moments of joy that would fade away into this heavy numbness he couldn’t get rid of? Surely not. He would move past it. He had to. His parents would have wanted him to.

Lily’s hand squeezed his lightly and he looked up to see her shining green eyes staring at him with love and concern.

“Maybe we should call it a night?”

James nodded and looked across the room to Peter. He was sat there, hands in his lap, staring at the floor and James suddenly felt guilty for snapping at his friend. Peter was only trying to help, only had James’ best interest at heart and he shouldn’t have yelled at him for being a friend.

“You’re welcome to stay, Pete.” He said.

Peter smiled but shook his head.

“No. No, I should get back.” He stood and made for the door. James got up at once, following his friend out. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Peter seemed hesitant to bring up Euphemia and Fleamont out of fear of saying the wrong thing and James was just as unsure of the topic.

“I’m sorry for snapping, Pete. You were just being a good friend.” He finally settled on. Peter just shrugged.

“No need to apologize. Just…” Peter looked up at James with a sad smile, “Just take care, alright?”

And with a spin on his heel, followed by a loud crack, Peter had vanished. James stood on the porch a bit longer, watching the clouds move across the sky. His heart ached, a sort of chronic feeling he wondered would ever go away and he frowned. It just wasn’t fair. His parents had been good, strong people. They didn’t deserve to be taken away from him. And he had a _baby_ on the way. How was he supposed to be a good father without his father there to guide him? How was he supposed to know all the remedies his mother used on him if she’s gone? Tears had sprung back into his eyes and James let them fall freely. There was no point in denying them.

“James?”

Lily’s sweet voice came from behind him and a ray of sunshine seemed to shine through the storm of his heart.

“Let’s go change out of these dress clothes, hm?”

He took her hand silently, following her back into the house and to their bedroom. With their fingers interlocked, James couldn’t help but think of Lily as a sort of lifeline keeping him afloat through this loss. She didn’t say much, didn’t ask him to talk about anything he didn’t feel up to, but she was there, waiting. She always would be.

“Let’s go back downstairs. I don’t feel much like lying down.” He said once they were dressed.

The truth was he wanted to be down there for when Sirius came back inside. He knew Remus had it handled, but he wouldn’t be pleased with himself if he allowed his brother to suffer without him, it just didn’t sit right. Lily had just nodded and again taken his hand as they ventured back down the steps together.

It was an odd sensation, he thought, as his legs carried him to the couch. He felt so disconnected from everything he did and felt like he was about to burst at any second. Is this what grief was? He felt as though his thoughts were on repeat and he was stuck in an endless loop of questioning everything he was doing and everything he should do. On one hand, nothing really seemed to matter, and on the other, everything did. He felt as though he had somehow become more responsible since his parents had passed. As though he had grown up far quicker than he expected. He was young, but his mind felt aged.

Lily was there, curled up against him, running her slim fingers over the lines of his palms and James tried desperately to focus on that feeling and that feeling alone. The tingling sensation tickled up his arm and he felt as though he almost wanted to pull away from it but remained still. His mother used to tickle his back as a child, whenever he was feeling sick or just sad, the same tingling feeling erupting throughout his entire body. He closed his eyes. He didn’t want to think about his mother right now and how he would never be able to feel that again. His hand grasped hold of Lily’s, effectively stopping her movements, but he still clung onto her. She brought their clasped hands forward and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

The sound of footsteps coming through the kitchen jerked James’ focus, and he looked up to see Remus walking through the doorway, a sleeping Sirius in his arms. Remus met James’ gaze, a small blush appearing on his cheeks.

“He cried himself to sleep.” Remus said quietly.

“The guest room is all yours. Go get some rest.” James said, surprised at how steady his voice was. He eyed Sirius, partly wishing he would wake up so that James could cry with him, but also glad that he was unconscious from this world at the moment.

“Thank you.”

Remus walked off without another word. James and Lily sat there awhile longer until Lily finally tugged at him.

“Let’s go upstairs, too. We can take a kip.”

James woke up in his bed, a groggy feeling fogging up his brain. He couldn’t remember ever lying down. He didn’t even realize he had been so tired. Lily was propped up next to him, her back resting against the headboard, one hand holding a book while the other weaved through James’ hair. He watched her for a moment, taking in the ethereal beauty of his wife. For a small second, everything was perfect and he had seemingly forgotten about the death of his parents until he remembered that Lily was pregnant. That he was going to be a father but that he had lost his own. He frowned. He didn’t want his child to become a reminder of something so sorrowful. His parents would not have wanted that.

“You’re awake.” Lily put the book down and offered James a small smile. He tried to return it but was unsuccessful.

“I’m going to go get a drink.”

James sat up abruptly, suddenly unable to stand the kindness Lily was showing him. He should be stronger than this. He shouldn’t have to rely on her to keep him together. Without waiting for Lily to say anything in reply, he marched out of the bedroom and moved aimlessly to the kitchen. As he walked through the doorway, he was a bit surprised to see he was not alone. Sirius was sat at the counter, a small mug of steaming liquid in front of him and his eyes glossed over, looking out into the distance. Remus must still be asleep. For a moment, James said nothing and then, not wanting to spook Sirius, cleared his throat.

Sirius’ eye twitched and he glanced over in James’ direction.

“Good morning. Or, afternoon, I guess.” Sirius scrunched up his nose and James almost wanted to laugh. Sirius never liked taking naps, claiming it was too weird to wake up in the middle of the day.

“Have a nice kip?” James asked lightly.

Sirius just grunted and took a sip of his drink.

“They were your parents just as much as they were mine, you know.” James mumbled suddenly, voice barely over a whisper. He half expected Sirius to not have heard but the sudden tenseness of his jaw told James that he had.

“I don’t want you to feel as though you can’t, well, mourn in front of me because you think it’s not your place.” James continued, a heavy feeling lifting off his chest. “In fact, I think the only person who can understand what I am feeling right now is you. And…and I _need_ _you_ to be there for me, Pads. And I want to be there for you, too. We can’t just shut each other out. They wouldn’t have wanted that.”

James felt his eyes filling with tears. He hadn’t realized that he wanted to say this to Sirius, that he had wanted his brother’s comfort above anyone else’s but now, it made sense. Sirius was the only person James could turn to without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. Even Lily, with all her kindness and love and Remus and Peter with their silent but enormous support were not who James wanted to grieve with.

He just wanted his brother.

And Sirius seemed to understand, because in one swift movement, James was wrapped in a tight embrace. The tears flowed from his eyes freely now, turning into soft sobs of sorrow but also relief. He gripped the back of Sirius’ shirt tightly, allowing the pain to overwhelm him for the moment because it was okay. He didn’t have to be strong, right now, neither of them did. They could just be there, together. As long as they were together, everything would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading  
> comments and kudos are always appreciated   
> come chat with me on tumblr @xomarauders

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always appreciated  
> come chat with me on tumblr @xomarauders


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